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Wow of the week: The Pentagon is ready for the zombie apocalypse

Now all of this might seem like a bit of an overreaction, but regardless, it […]

Now all of this might seem like a bit of an overreaction, but regardless, it is the Day of the Dead, so let’s be aware of what preparation is in place.

The U.S. military is pretty much tight-lipped in terms of public discussion on the matter, but a real document exists covering what will happen when we reach our impending doom titled CONOP 8888.

Foreign Policy Magazine didn’t hesitate to go ahead and dig up the document, sharing this helpful insight:

“This plan fulfills fictional contingency planning guidance tasking for U.S. Strategic Command to develop a comprehensive [plan] to undertake military operations to preserve ‘non-zombie’ humans from the threats posed by a zombie horde,” CONOP 8888’s plan summary reads. “Because zombies pose a threat to all non-zombie human life, [Strategic Command] will be prepared to preserve the sanctity of human life and conduct operations in support of any human population — including traditional adversaries.”

The plan was actually put in place in April 30, 2011. So far so good! 

“Planners … realized that training examples for plans must accommodate the political fallout that occurs if the general public mistakenly believes that a fictional training scenario is actually a real plan,” the authors wrote, adding: “Rather than risk such an outcome by teaching our augmentees using the fictional ‘Tunisia’ or ‘Nigeria’ scenarios used at [Joint Combined Warfighting School], we elected to use a completely-impossible scenario that could never be mistaken for a real plan.”

Now all of this might sound entirely outlandish, but zombies are real. At least chicken zombies (CZs) are. Apparently hens that can no longer lay eggs are euthanized by farmers with carbon monoxide and have reportedly come back to life, resurfacing ready to take down meat-eaters once and for all.

“CZs are simply terrifying to behold and are likely only to make people become vegetarians in protest to animal cruelty,” CONOP 8888 notes.  

When you’re not panicking about Ebola, ordering hazmat suits, might as well keep an eye out for CZs or any other type of zombie. The government sure is.

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