In something straight out of a Walt Disney corporate focus group, Siemens Healthcare has re-branded itself Siemens Healthineers.
According to the German company, “The new brand underlines Siemens Healthcare’s pioneering spirit and its engineering expertise in the healthcare industry. It is unique and bold and best describes the Healthcare organization and its people – the people accompanying, serving and inspiring customers – the people behind outstanding products and solutions.”
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Siemens tried to express a grand vision with this corporatespeak-laden statement from CEO Bernd Montag:
“Our new brand is a bold signal for our ambition and expresses our identity as a people company – 45,000 employees worldwide who are passionate about empowering healthcare providers to optimally serve their patients.”
But it’s hard to get past the fact that the name Healthineers evokes Disney’s Imagineers or, worse, Mouseketeers. Maybe if Siemens hired Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears as spokespeople? (Unfortunately, Annette Funicello died in 2013.)
Comments from a Facebook thread I was on this morning included: “I wonder how much the re-branding consultants charged for that name. I wish them luck,” and, “I thought it was an Onion article when I got it.”
The best comment, though? ” H.E.A.—L.T.H.—I.N.E.E.R.—Healthineers (Healthineers) Healthineers (Healthineers)!!”
Sing along. It’s catchy.
UPDATE: There’s an actual Healthineers song. With a dance troupe. Their heads and faces are covered because, well, would you want to be associated with this train wreck?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UKp5YQXWwc
Notice how unenthusiastic the crowd is at the end. Note also that this video has been viewed more than 400,000 times as of May 6.
Photo: Macfadden Publications (public domain)